It’s been a year since we started seeing the reproductive endocrinologist for infertility treatments. As everyone is well aware, these treatments weren’t successful.
I felt the urge to post this because infertility is an incredibly lonely, isolated place to be and I think that many women out there need to realize they aren’t alone in this struggle. Many women have gone through substantially more needles, medications, and procedures than we have but this is an amazing visual that I’ve been meaning to shoot for a while.
(Read Also: Infertility: When Babies Are Everywhere)
Infertility causes a lot of tears. It truly is the most strange thing I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
I never realized that I could be so incredibly happy and so incredibly sad all at the same time.
I’ve really been struggling recently because the pregnancies that occurred around the time of our fertility treatments have created these beautiful, amazing babies and we’re still without.
I’ve had many people tell us that we just haven’t tried long enough– Well here’s your proof. We’ve been trying for an entire year including months of fertility treatments and still nothing. This is beyond the simple medical definition of infertility.
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“God will provide you with a child if you just wait.” I wholeheartedly believe that God doesn’t give us these medical advances so we can sit at home and just pray to get pregnant. Prayer is great- but I believe that God calls us to be proactive.
In the last few months, we have quit actively trying to conceive and it has brought some level of relief to us. However, there is still a substantial amount of pain that surfaces daily as the reminders of everyone else’s reproductive abilities is flashed across our lives.
(Read Also: We’re Quitting)
If you aren’t infertile, you wouldn’t have noticed that during that commercial break, there were four commercials referencing pregnancy, newborns, and moms– all trigger points.
If you aren’t infertile, you wouldn’t have noticed the five pregnant women at Target today- one of which that was smoking out in front of the building.
If you aren’t infertile, you wouldn’t realize how much time has passed since an infertile couple has started trying.
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September is a really hard month for me this year. Even with medical intervention, my body isn’t doing what it was made to do.
It is really hard to look at the babies that were conceived after we started infertility treatments because all I can think is “That should be us too….”
When I’m home by myself while Brandon is working, I am reminded that I shouldn’t be alone.
When I’m working and someone comes in glowing, looking for flowy tops to hide their newly discovered pregnancy, I’m reminded that should be me.
When there are events in town that are centered around children, I’m reminded that we have no children to bring, and thus no excuse to go to this fun child-centered event.
When there are specials for kids meals at restaurants, I’m reminded that I have no children to bring with me.
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When the circus is giving away a child ticket with every adult ticket, you realize what a waste it is to purchase an adult ticket because the child is included in the price.
When I look in my rear view mirror, I am reminded that I should have a little mini version of Brandon and me in the back seat and I am reminded of how much I would love to have the “inconvenience” of toting a baby in and out of the car into the store.
When you post about how your childless friends don’t understand how hard it is to be a parent, I’m reminded that you don’t understand how hard it is to want to be a parent and not be one.
When life happens, I realize I want to be inconvenienced, busy, exhausted but all I get is a bunch of used needles and some old used-to-be-sterile water sealed up in a mason jar in my kitchen.